Frustration is

What must I do to make my husband pick up after himself? I should change my profile to say raising 4! (Except then I couldn't write under 3. LOL) I'm not going to be able to keep that under 3 up there much longer as the twins turn 3 in July. so maybe I'll change it after their birthday.

I gave all 3 kids a bath this morning. I always bring the kids up on my bed after for lotion, cleaning ears, and cutting nails. Then we kind of snuggle, hang out, and watch tv. So, Little Miss is on my bed, and I leave for a second, and come back to find what...??? Dear Husband had left his cereal cup on the headboard. Little Miss decided she'd take it and try to drink from the bigger-than-her-head cup. My newly bathed little girl is now covered from chin to knees in left over cereal milk. Her nice clean (cute) outfit is now in the wash. Excuse me while I go hose off my daughter now.

Been gone a long time

I mean both from blogging, and just life itself. I feel like I'm disconnected. Things are looking better now. Husband was gone from sun up to sun down the last 3 weeks because of the store we're opening. I took the kids and we went to Tennessee to visit family for a full week. It was fun, exhausting, stressful, and more fun. The kids were worn out, and so was I when we got back. Finally feeling a little more adjusted. Hubs is working a more consistant (always gone) schedule, but at least I know when he'll be home. His partner and him are talking about hiring someone, but it doesn't mean he'll be home anymore. Just means he'll be able to do more for the store like order inventory, pr, set up website, and ebay store, etc... I'm adjusting to this life though. Thought of the twins starting preschool in August is keeping me sane also.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids (duh), and I love that I get to raise them, and be home. However, give me a break... they don't like being stuck in this house (because it's 120 outside in MAY!) any more than I do. Also, I look forward to giving Kinsey the one on one time she likes, as I did with the boys when they were her age.

Still battling weight loss. Still depressed. Still waking up every day on a diet, and going to bed every night binging. One day, one step at a time. We'll see.

I'm just so unmotivated in life right now. It comes and goes in spurts. I hope this passes quickly. I'm not focusing on Scentsy at all, even though I have a home party this week. I'm not knitting anymore, and I miss it. All I do is watch the kids (and I mean watch), and eat. This isn't how I like my life. I can do better than this. My kids need me, and I need to get my head out of my ass... sorry.

In good news we got hubs bike all fixed up ($1100 later...) which means I get my SUV back. Even though I can't leave during the day (because I babysit Monday thru Friday) I feel better just knowing it's there. I'm not on 24/7 lock down. 5:00PM rolls around, and the kids and I can go to McDonald's play place, the mall, or whatever. Every Saturday, while the hubs works, the kids and I can go swimming, the park, etc... Even if we are broker than broke, and I'm not happy with myself, and the kids are bored, a little bit of that will be better when I get my car back. I'm also looking into buying an elliptical machine to use at home, or a cheap gym membership... I need exercise to feel better. I think it will help.

Just a little update in random world...

11 O'Clock and I'm in tears

I'm in tears reading about Maddie. I never knew her, and never will know her. I don't know her parents, and yet I am just beside myself with their story. And how on Earth that beautiful little girl was taken away from her loving parents way before her time? Not a day has gone by since I heard about her passing that I don't stop to think about her, or read a little bit more about her short life. It just brings me to tears.

I will never understand why this kind of pain happens. I will never understand why children are hurt or die.

My daughter was born premature, my pregnancy was high-risk, and I was advised that my daughter may not make it through the pregnancy. Though I find it hard to believe in a God that would take away a wonderful, beautiful child such as Maddie from her loving parents, I thank Him everyday for the gift that is my daughter. She was born small, but with no health problems, and I am thankful. Everyday. I am also thankful for my handsome twin boys of course, as they were a high-risk pregnancy also.

I try to smile more every day

Why is it that everything in life is "I hate that I have to do this now, but I'm going to miss it when it's gone"? For example, every child (well most) hate taking naps when they are young. Every parents wishes they could take one, or at least do so without the quilt of whatever else isn't getting done. I put my 14 month old daughter down for a nap just now (at 4pm) and as I shut off the light, tucker her in, I remember the same feeling I use to get when my mom put me down for a nap (at a much older age of course), and at that very moment I wished I could have enjoyed it like I would now. That dimly lit room, where the last of the sun is trying ever so hard to get through the curtains, and you're sleepy, but not tired. Just turning the light off in her room gave me this feeling.

Then I started thinking about high school, and how that's the same thing. Now granted I don't ever want to go back to the awkward moments of high school. Like where I thought color changing shoes were cool... no. However, knowing what I know now I'd love to be given the opportunity to appreciate it as much as I do now. The value education holds, and how far I could have gone if I had only realized this sooner. How much I'd love to learn about the history of the world, just to feel smarter. Regardless that I stay home with my kids everyday, I want to be smarter. Lucky me I can learn whatever I want, but I don't get much time since I'm wrapped up in trying to take that nap I mentioned above.

What else in life is like this? College, your first car, what you do with your savings money, credit cards, etc... A lot having to do with financial planning, but that's me personally. There's plenty of people that made much better choices than I did. The nap thing is something that everyone took for granted as a kid.

Then I wonder, since I realize this now will I learn from it? Will I appreciate things that I typically wouldn't appreciate. I can try. Mostly likely I won't, because you never notice how great something (even small things) is until it's gone. Songs & stories that tell us not to left things unsaid, or not to forget to do the things you want before life ends get to me, and I try to live life like that everyday. Most days I don't though, I'll be honest. I get caught up in the "future" not the here & now. My 14 month old daughter is 14 months already. I already am forgetting what it was like when she was a newborn. It went by so fast. The twins will be going into preschool this fall, and I'm so excited I can't wait. Next thing I know they'll be in the 5th grade, and I'll be left there with packed lunches wondering what the hell happened.

I'll end with this: live in the moment, enjoy your kids, spouse, parents, and siblings. Try not to stress too much about your future, and smile a little more often. I'm going to go spend some time with my kids instead of yelling at them to leave me alone before I lose my train of thought. Haha - Live Laugh Love.

This always brightens my day

I got a better (still crappy camera phone) video of my youngest walking:


She's all kinds of fire. I now am a mother to 3 awesome toddlers/preschoolers. I no longer have an infant. I am both sad and over joyed. My kids are amazing.

My youngest walks!

My daughter was born just a little over a year ago. I cannot express how much I miss her being an infant. I also cannot express how WAY TOO F**KING FAST the time has gone by! I can only imagine any other mother fully understands this feeling. My only thing is, she is and will be my last child. I held onto her being an infant as tight as I possibly could. I didn't complain about nightly feedings, and I still don't. (Yes, you read that right she's one and wakes up and I love it.) I think I definitely enjoyed her way more than I ever was able to with the twins for one reason being there were two of them, and another knowing she was my last baby. Anyway, on with the fun stuff!

Crappy camera phone videos of her walking. I eat it up.



Notice her professional one knee'd scoot right back toward me? Yep, she's a pro. The end of this video makes me laugh hysterically too, nose dive right into the pillow! The walking thing she's still working on, and that's OKAY. I'm so very proud of you, Kinsey.