I have a husband, I swear.

My husband as of last Monday became a business owner. He opened up a retail store on the west side of town. He has been MIA since. I think he still exists, but I have yet to see proof. He's gone ALL THE TIME. I miss him, and I miss my brain. I've lost my mind, and it must be with the hubby.

He is always out doing things for the store, and soon (once the doors open) he will be AT the store. I use to complain that he was never home when he worked a 9-5, but worked over-time. He was always home for dinner, and bed-time routine, and every weekend. His over-time was 30 minutes here, maybe an hour every once in awhile. I'm looking toward a future of no dinner with the hubby for the next year unless I eat at 9pm. Putting the kids to bed by myself, every single night. Having to explain to them that daddy is at work, and that is why he can't tuck you in, read you a story, or give ni-night kisses. It breaks my heart. It also drives me insane, because he was my helping hand at dinner time, brushing teeth, reading bedtime stories, and tuck ins. He kept them out of my hair while dinner was being finished up, or I was doing dishes. He's my partner, and I desperately miss him, and it's not even bad yet. He will be gone every night soon. The only day we get is Sunday. And I expect a lot of outside errands will need to be done this day.

Instead of focusing on the fact that I will soon be a single mommy. I try to focus on how wonderful my kids are, and how fortunate I am to have a husband willing to bust his ass so that I can raise our children. How much this will make our life easier in the long haul. How amazing my husband is for reaching for his goals, and achieving them. But I'm not perfect. For moments that I need him, and he isn't here I completely forget how awesome he is, or how awesome the kids are. I curse him in my head, and want to throw things. I often whisper to myself that if I wanted to raise kids by myself I would have, but that I chose to be married with kids not alone. Then I take a deep breath and try to remember the good. But for a few moments everyday I curse my MIA husband.

I will never know how he sold me on the idea of owning our own business equaling him being home more. Having kids rots your brain.

So what church do you go to?

I have an ancedote, but I want to say this first.

Ever since having my kids, I have wanted to attend church. My parents didn't bother educating me on religion during my childhood (or ever), and since you don't learn it in school I feel in the dark. I am in the dark. I know nothing. You'd laugh at me if you knew how true that is. How can a 26 year old person know nothing? I could even say I don't even know the difference between Christ & Jesus. Don't laugh. It's my fault also, not just my parents. I have the internet at my finger tips, I could learn whatever I wanted. I am, however, just too intimidated to take that leap. I don't know where to start.

The other day I was searching for nearby churches in my neighborhood (there's a plethora), my husband caught me, and asked what I was doing. (He is very against organized religion, but has some faith there is something greater than us out there.) Honestly I was looking for a church event for my Scentsy business (I feel wrong saying that, but I was). Not ever knowing how to announce to my man that I want to go to church I took this as an opening. I said, "I'm looking for a church". Of course he proceeded to ask why, and I said because I always wanted to go. He basically laughed in my face. (We have a great marriage usually, but are sometimes too comfortable to realize when the other needs support.) So, I immediately said "just kidding" which I was, but that was my "out". I also asked him what was so funny about it, and why I couldn't go. He said I go, but he wouldn't. I'd love to explore religion together, but if it won't work then I'll do it alone and convert him later... haha teasing. He supports me in all I do, and I have every reason to believe he would in this as well. I just have to let him know I'm serious, and not "just joking".

I have a million questions. Always have. Where do you begin?