Friday, February 27, 2009

Life in pictures

1. A photo of you in your room:

2. A photo of you w/someone you don't actually like:

I don't really not like this girl, she use to be my roommate in college. She's just kind of spoiled and selfish, but she never did anything to me.

3. A photo of you very drunk:

I might be a little drunk there.

And here.

4. A photo of you on your birthday or favorite holiday:

I don't take pictures on my birthday. Only one I could find, turning 24.

5. The youngest photo of you in digital form:

Not technically digital form, but scanned in. I was probably 5 or so? With my cousin Jullie.

And this is me in 2001, Senior Prom

6. Your favorite outfit:
I weigh 98328632478634lbs I don't have a favorite outfit. =P

But I LOVED this top when I had it. Once I had the twinsies it no longer felt the need to cover my ever extending belly bulge.

7. A photo of you making a goofy face at the camera:

I don't like to make funny faces. I hate looking stupid. =P

8. A photo you miiiiiiiiiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive:

I didn't edit this, I naturally look like that. Cool, yes? (I didn't edit it to look more attractive, I did it to make some artsy icon with it.)

9. A photo you might regret:

Umm hello!? Who is that ugly MAN in my shower holding my baby? WTF? LOL worst picture of me EVER. In the other pictures I had my head turned the other way which is how I wanted it, however I turn my head toward Kin for a second and hubs took a shot. F**ker. =P It will be deleted soon.

10. A photo of you truly being yourself:

That's me, big mouth.

11. The most recent photo of you:

Me, Dad, Kinsey at her birthday party last Saturday.

12. A photo of you being absolutely ridiculous:
What?! Me? I'm never ridiculous.

This was slightly ridiculous.

13. A photo of you showing off a new hair cut/color:
See above? J/K it was a wig, duh.


& Before That:

14. A photo of a time in your life that is over that you wish wasn't:

Just moments after we decided to move in together. I just wish sometimes we had more time to just be us. I think a lot of our issues stem from rushing into having kids so soon, and having too much responsibility and not enough fun together. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I do think it takes a big role in our life.

15. A photo of a time in your life that's over & you couldn't be more thankful that it is:

I adore the guy I'm laying with (was just a friend) but I was severely screwed up in this time in my life. I'm very glad it's over, though I do miss some of the people I lost that I once knew during this time.
(Oh and ignore the text, that was my girlfriends website back in the day.)

16. A photo of you when you were anything but happy:

I was soooo frustrated here.

17. A photo you had no idea that was being taken:

Had no idea. I'm in the red, and drunk, playing flip cup.

18. A photo of you taken when you were a different person:

I was young, single (well except for the occasional booty call with my on again off again BF), kid-less, going to college, drinking a lot, and living with my BFF. DIFFERENT person completely.

19. A photo of you w/someone you love: Piece of cake...

These are the people I love most in my life. My family. We look kind of "church-y" here... lol.

This was fun going through all my old photos. Embarrassing also. My husband got the privilege of seeing some photos he'd never seen of me before. I may have liked to keep it that way, but now at least I feel as if all my secrets are out. I have nothing to hide.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

So what church do you go to?

I have an ancedote, but I want to say this first.

Ever since having my kids, I have wanted to attend church. My parents didn't bother educating me on religion during my childhood (or ever), and since you don't learn it in school I feel in the dark. I am in the dark. I know nothing. You'd laugh at me if you knew how true that is. How can a 26 year old person know nothing? I could even say I don't even know the difference between Christ & Jesus. Don't laugh. It's my fault also, not just my parents. I have the internet at my finger tips, I could learn whatever I wanted. I am, however, just too intimidated to take that leap. I don't know where to start.

The other day I was searching for nearby churches in my neighborhood (there's a plethora), my husband caught me, and asked what I was doing. (He is very against organized religion, but has some faith there is something greater than us out there.) Honestly I was looking for a church event for my Scentsy business (I feel wrong saying that, but I was). Not ever knowing how to announce to my man that I want to go to church I took this as an opening. I said, "I'm looking for a church". Of course he proceeded to ask why, and I said because I always wanted to go. He basically laughed in my face. (We have a great marriage usually, but are sometimes too comfortable to realize when the other needs support.) So, I immediately said "just kidding" which I was, but that was my "out". I also asked him what was so funny about it, and why I couldn't go. He said I go, but he wouldn't. I'd love to explore religion together, but if it won't work then I'll do it alone and convert him later... haha teasing. He supports me in all I do, and I have every reason to believe he would in this as well. I just have to let him know I'm serious, and not "just joking".

I have a million questions. Always have. Where do you begin?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Reasons why I sell Scentsy

I'm negative, cynical, skeptical, and any other fun word you can think of that means I-don't-fall-for-scams, and I-don't-believe-this-will-work kind of stuff. I know, it's awful. It makes me doubt myself usually too, just because I know better. Then how am I in direct sales? Because there is seriously a product out there for everyone, and Scentsy is mine. *deep voice* All mine bwhahaha!! Okay, back to reality.

My half-sister's step-mom (brother's girlfriend's mother) showed me all that is wonderful of Scentsy products. She became a consultant late last year, and has had me hooked ever since. Why? I'll explain.

I'm a girl who loves anything that smells good. Whether it be fruit, or baking, or body spray. I love highly scented lip glosses so I smell them on me all day (right under my nose), I use plug-ins, candles, sprays, air fresheners, perfumes, potpourri, etc... I like my house, my car, and myself to smell good. Reason #1 I love Scentsy: how could you not like a product with over 80 scents to choose from? And bonus: I like 90% of them, and they are strong & long lasting.

I have 3 children under the age of 3. Two 2.5 year old vivacious boys & a monster of a 1 year old daughter who we call Bratzilla! The twins are more than at the age to get into stuff, ruin stuff, stick things where things don't belong, eat stuff, throw things away, and you get my point. If it makes a mess, they'll make it. Could you imagine how enticing an open flame on a candle would look to a 2 year old? (Even better two 2 year olds!?) I'll answer for you, very. Not that I would put them where they could reach, but everyday they learn a new trick. Like pulling the kitchen chair over to the counter so they can climb up on it, to reach the jar of cookies on top of the fridge. Yes. Reason #2, Scentsy is safe to have around kids & pets. The wax does not get hot enough to burn, it's also doesn't do harm to ingest, and the warmer also does not get hot enough to burn. Has your pet ever melted off it's whiskers on a candle? Scentsy's for you.

I live in a historic house. It's ancient, never been remodeled, and the wiring, as well as plumbing, have all been grandfathered in. I'm deathly afraid this place will blow up just because the wiring is so old, and we use so many outlets and power strips it's scary. My house is so old there are no electrical outlets in the bathroom. I hate it for obvious reason, but also because I can't use my Scentsy plug-in, so I had to put it in the kitchen. My plug-in works great for my one-person kitchen though! Reason #3 I love Scentsy; so my house doesn't burn down. I have 3 kids to get out of the door, and can't remember to blow out every candle. If I leave Scentsy on while we're out of the house, I can rest assured it wouldn't burn down because of my candle!

I love candles, but have always hated the black rim that is left after burning one. I would wipe and wipe (with only some it coming off), but still it looked awful. Scentsy warmers are gorgeous! There are so many (40+) designs to choose from. Simple, to chic, shabby, to elegant, to retro. You choose. Whatever you have decorated your room in, there's a Scentsy Deluxe Warmer to fit. I have such a hard time anytime I order, because I want so many. They also just came out with some really trendy animal print warmers for the Spring/Summer catalog. I am a huge Leopard print fan, but I also think I need a Zebra design. Reason #4; Scentsy not only smells awesome, but looks better than jar candles too!

Because I am so skeptical of MLM's, and direct sales Scentsy is great for me. It sells itself. You smell a tester, you want to buy, you see a warmer that you can picture sitting so nicely on your dresser, hall table, dining room hutch, a plug-in for your bathroom or kitchen, and you want to buy. All I need to do is show you the product and/or catalog. No pitch, though I have many, and no pushing. I feel comfortable selling it, because there is no doubt in my mind once you receive your items you will love it. Reason #5 I love Scentsy, because it's easy to sell & makes me money!

I never thought I'd be in direct sales, and I'm so glad I am involved in Scentsy. It's a great company to work for, there are amazing consultants I've met, and the product is wonderful. I heart Scentsy.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Why my twins don't match

I'm not one of those mothers who makes sure we all match for pictures. Not that I think it's bad, or silly, I'm just not that organized. I don't care if you picked a plain black or white t-shirt I could (almost) guarantee you that not every single person in this household had one. I could also definitely guarantee you that if you found a shirt that we all had that matched, I probably wouldn't care to wear mine in a family portrait. Call me vain, but I'm the one that has to look at the damn thing for the rest of my life. I searched high and low for some matching outfits for all of us for our Christmas card family photo this year, and to no avail. I couldn't find ANYTHING. My boys had a BAZILLION (yes it's a word, I checked) adorable cute winter-like Christmasy sweaters, not one that matched. Since they had a bazillion of them I was not about to go out and buy matching ones. I'm a frugal of sorts. So, what did I do? I made sure not one of us matched, and it came out wonderful. I have twins that are two and a half, a one year old daughter, a eclectic techie husband, and then me so, lots of color, and mismatch-ness defines this family. That's where I came up with my little family portrait saying on my sidebar there (go look), because seriously without the chaos of family you really aren't living.

I long to be the house with all the kids. I want to be the mom who's kid's friends all call "mom". Who love to hang out at my house because it's "cool". Not cool because I sell them beer or pot, but because it's cozy and relaxed. Comfortable. As mentioned in pervious posts I'm a life-like-the-movies type of dreamer. I don't want fame or fortune, but just that overall joyful feeling of realness. I think that completely makes no sense at all, but it does in my head. I want that chaotic life, but that you wouldn't trade. Busy with activities, outings, vacations, friends, dinners, movies, family, and all that fun good stuff families are made out of. I wanted at least three kids, which I got, and that is a big reason why. Family is very important to me no matter how much they get on my nerves. I grew up in a big family, and wanted to have a big family. If it weren't for these knots around my tubes I'd have more, but alas three was the decided number. (Note: I just realizes this entire paragraph has nothing to do with my twins not matching or family pictures, guess that's my niche getting off topic. Go me.)

Because I'm the frugal gal, my kids wear a lot of hand-me-downs. Which inevitably means they do not match. Don't get me wrong, again, I think it's adorable. When able, I certainly do make them match. Even with hand-me-downs they typically coordinate. We humans have a hard time straying from being creatures of habit (we buy one shirt we like it, we buy it in 5 other colors). My kids get their hand-me-downs from some of the richest people in the Silicon Valley, so I'm not going out of my way to complain that they don't match. My step-mom works as a personal house cleaner (yes, maid) for the richies in the Bay Area of California. She brings us stuff that has tags on it, and that cost more than my entire wardrobe. The Little Miss has a box full of Juicy Couture dresses and True Religion jeans anxiously awaiting her to turn 2T. I better start watching more kids. I can't have my daughter out dress me at age 2. Just kidding (completely). I am extremely thankful for the clothes we receive that I could sell to pay our car payments and still get my nails done that my daughter will play in the mud with.

Before the twins were born I couldn't decide how I wanted to be. Do I have them always match or not? Isn't that strange? Am I weird for even caring or entertaining such a question? I don't feel weird. It's not like I ever told anyone, before now, that I thought stuff like that. They matched a majority of their infancy due to everyone's new baby gifts that mostly matched. Now I find myself trying to decide who wears what? That is why I love that they pick their own clothes, and I happily let them. Because no matter what thought I ever entertained about matching or non-matching I always told myself no matter what I did, as soon as they were old enough to have their own personalities I'd let them decide, and I do. Each are both very different in their styles as well. The only type of people I do judge (but I really don't) are the ones who are adamant against having their adorable twinsies match. Just because your mom made you and your "Irish twin" sister dress alike until you were 17 aren't your kids problem. I'm just not black and white like that though. In fact I'm so stuck in the gray area I actually take the time to think these things out. In the end sometimes they match, sometimes they don't.

Monday, February 16, 2009

There's just something about getting my hair done

Getting my hair done is about the only thing I truly do for myself. I say "truly" because I also shop to relieve stress (when able), but the typical items purchase are kids clothing, toys, books, etc... I assure you those items are not for myself. Though I will once in awhile find a good deal on some crafty items such as knitting needles, yarn, tulle, or fabric. Back to my hair. I like my hair, it's not perfect, it's not always kept up, and it doesn't always do what I want it to, but I like it. I try to take good care of it. Well, minus that crazy period I went through when I bleached the holy hell out of it in high school.

So my aunt took me out to have my hair done, and have a girls day for my birthday. We went to this little swanky steakhouse for lunch called Durant's. It's an original to Phoenix, and very high quality. High quality food, and service two things I find very important for an established restaurant. Don't you? Yes, yes you do.

After lunch we went to try a new hair salon. It's amazing what networking will do for you. I recently joined a local mommy group via, and have since made some wonderful friends as well as received great info for things, like hair! I have received information on preschool for the boys, hair stylists, and sports activities for the kids. One of the mom's in the group is actually a hair stylist and works in a swanky salon (my new favorite word today. I do live downtown you know everything is swanky here). It's called Salon 7 (it's on 7th Street). It's an old house turned business. It's contemporary, and cute. The mom who does hair is super sweet, and she did a great job. Granted, I only had highlights done, but you'd be surprised how many idiot stylists I've been to that can mess up such a simple task up. I'm not complaining though, I'm over it. I love talkative stylists, because I like pretending that life is like the movies. Your hair stylist is who you divulge all your secrets to, and gossip about your girlfriends. It makes me uncomfortable to just sit there for two hours not saying a word. I also feel uncomfortable talking just to talk when they didn't ask me to talk. The one I went to today asked me all kinds of things about my kids, my husband, what he did for a living, what he was like, how we met, etc... Oh my God you don't think she was shopping do you? I didn't even think of that. Stay away from my man! Wait, he's unemployed no one will want him, he's mine! Haha just teasing. Anyway, she was great. Very chatty, sweet, and she ordered Scentsy items from me so that just made her my new best friend. That's right, I'm now gauging my friends on how much Scentsy they buy from me, wanna be my friend?

After hair, we went to Micheal's for some yarn. Miss Auntie wants a scarf. She goes to the modified (dirt track) races here in Phoenix, and when the winter season is over they move the races to evenings and it gets chilly for her. I'm excited she wants a scarf I made, I think that's just cool. Luckily she doesn't need it for another month because she is 3rd in line for my knitting projects. I need to finish Miss Poofs scarf, Little Miss' blanket (which was suppose to be done by this weekend NOT happening), and then Aunt's scarf. I'm tired just thinking about it. Oh, and then my "mom" asked for a teapot cozy tonight. Fun.

I also got a carrying bag for my Scentsy Basket Parties (if you don't know, ask) for $8.50 due to a 50% off President's sale coupon. I heart President's day sales. It will be perfect. Too bad I don't have basket testers yet to put in it, better get on that. I want to start soliciting my baskets.

So, needless to say I had a GREAT day. Made a new hair stylist friend after being loyal to mine for over 5 years, hung out with my aunt who fills the empty void where my mother should be, and had great food. The kids were amazing when I got home, riled up, but super funny and cute. Little Miss was a terror, but she's sick so she gets a free pass. I hated leaving her today since she was sick, but Daddy said she fell asleep on his chest twice which never happens so, he took good care of her. I just realized what I was originally going to make this blog entry about is now long lost in the shuffle. I may need to change the title. Basically I was going to go on and on about how getting my hair done makes me feel like a new me. I feel pretty, and pampered, and I love it. I guess this entry could have been a whole lot shorter. Oh well.

I leave you with a crappy self-taken picture, with bad lightening, of my lovely, wonderful, highlighty goodness that is my hair:

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Because everyday they amaze me

My children amaze me. Not because I think they are highly intelligent or gifted or anything like that (but of course they are), but because they are these little human beings that I grew and nourished. They amaze me because everyday we learn something new together. I learn how much patience I don't have (but am gaining), and they learn a new word or sentence or how to do something for themselves. The twins go down for a nap around 1pm, so today they went down, and I put their sippy cups in the fridge. Cayden wakes up first, and the first thing he wants is his juice. I hear him wondering around the living room, and hallway looking for his cup. Next thing I know he comes back in his room, where I'm laying on his bed, with his and his brother's cup. He went through the child proof gate (right) into the kitchen, in the fridge and got his damn sippy cup. I just laughed at looked at him, then told him how clever he was. It amazed me, this simple thing, because he didn't know they were in there. He also didn't know because I routinely put them in there, because I don't. He knew because it was a logical place to look if it wasn't where he'd left his cup in the living room which is always on his table where I tell him to put it. I'm amazed that his thought process lead him to look in the fridge. To me that is huge. He's two and a half. I swear him and his brother act like their 5 sometimes not 2.

Last night while putting them to bed Connor had gotten into trouble, and Daddy had scolded him a little. Well, while I was giving my g'night kisses he looked at me and said "Daddy no want kisses me" and after giggling a bit, persistently told him that Daddy definitely did want kisses from him. Even though Daddy was a little mad, we always wanted kisses. It amazes me because he knows he was in trouble, and is already at an age to think we don't love him if we are mad at him kind of thing. It breaks my heart in the same sense, but it amazes me also. These little human beings of mine.

A couple of nights ago I was in the kitchen doing the dishes (I love my life, I really do), and Connor sneaks in. Again the oh-so-wonderful child proof gate trick. They love to be in there when I'm in there, and typically I tell them to go play because our kitchen is too small and there's too many things they can get into, hence the wanna-be child proof gate. However, this time I let him stay. The previous night I had asked my Darling Husband to feed the dog. He didn't, but we'll save that rant for another post. Connor noticed, and he promptly pointed to the cupboard (low to the ground) with the dog food in it. I quickly said to him to not worry about it, and I would feed the dog when I was done with the dishes. Thinking to myself, damn they learn fast to tell a women what to do... ha ha. So, a few seconds later I see him pulling the bag of dog food out, and filling up Mia's dog dish fist full by fist full. This little accomplishment amazed me so, I yelled for my husband to come look. I am amazed, because I'm so proud of him. I hate that they are so independent, because I miss them needing me more. I am also grown up enough to realize just how much they still need me, but in a fun way not the I have to bottle feed and change your butt way because you literally can't do it. They need me in the sense of I kiss boo-boo's and make them better, I hug them when they are sick, and read to them before bed every night. It was crazy he knew where we kept the dog food having never actually shown him before, and how he even took notice that the dog's dish was empty.

Along with Cayden getting his own sippy cup today out of the fridge, he also let Mia in the house. He's so cute, a very concerned sort of fellow. Mia was barking outside, probably scaring some old person walking their dog by our yard. I love my dog. Cayden went to the backdoor, and let her in. I hate hate hate that stupid non-child-proof-SOB gate, because I HATE HATE HATE even more so that my kids can get out of the backdoor. This reminds me, I need to remedy that. Luckily they could never leave our yard, but still lots of stuff back there that's not child safe. Chainsaw, wood chopper, axe, tractor, you know your typical backyard amenities. Joking. But I would hate for them to sniff the spray paint we actually do keep back there, or have hammer fights. Tangent. I'll fix it. New gate, new lock, just need to get it done. Luckily our house is 2 feet by 2 feet so they don't get anywhere without me knowing. Except the one time they got out front and went to the neighbors, that I didn't know about. Another post.

So, needless to say my children are amazing intelligent, gifted, talented, and just better than yours.

Where's Joaquin Phoenix?

My husband came home the other night, from hanging out with a friend that had showed him a YouTube video of the Joaquin Phoenix interview with David Letterman, to show me the video. Well CBS had since taken the video down, naturally wanting you to go to their website to locate it, in the 30 minutes that it took him to get home. However, we managed to locate a a good enough video clip to give me a good enough idea of what the hell my husband was talking about. What in the world is that!? If you haven't seen it, here is CBS' version of it. It's just a snippet, but will give you a pretty good idea of who is NOT home.

First off, what's with the beard? He is an incredibly handsome man, what is he thinking? Now he looks like he should be one of Angelina Jolie's adopted children, seriously. Now, as far as whether or not he was there, or not there, or whatever he was "on" (i.e. DRUGS) I wasn't so sure, so I made my husband find the video clip of his interview with David Letterman 3 years back. HOLY BAT SHIT. These are two different people. Whatever, people get mixed up I get it. Look at his brother, River Phoenix, not great history of non-drug users there. But seriously? Giving up your incredible acting career for HIP-HOP? And note, I'm an avid music lover of all music, and devoted hip-hop listener. So then we continue to surf the web for more interviews and videos of the proclaimed Joaquin Phoenix, an actor we so enjoyed who is throwing his career out of he window! We stumble upon an E! exclusive interview and it's hilarious, all 10 seconds of it. Where he announces his "retirement" from acting, and his Two Lovers movie with Gweneth Paltrow is to be his last film, he's pursuing music. He's laughed at (again). Seriously, laughed at. He gets pissed, and says he's dead serious then walks away. I wish I could find the clip, well I probably could I just don't feel like it. Anyway, so we find another video of his hip-hop performance and he falls of the stage which is a perfect ending to a horrible song & dance performance from some white guy with a hippie beard, glasses, and heroine (Where's Joaquin Phoenix?). He obviously needs some real help. I just couldn't stop laughing, but really it's sad. I think playing Johnny Cash went to his head, no? What are his agents and producers thinking?! Do they think this idea is good, because no one else on planet Earth does.

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Friday, February 13, 2009

My youngest walks!

My daughter was born just a little over a year ago. I cannot express how much I miss her being an infant. I also cannot express how WAY TOO F**KING FAST the time has gone by! I can only imagine any other mother fully understands this feeling. My only thing is, she is and will be my last child. I held onto her being an infant as tight as I possibly could. I didn't complain about nightly feedings, and I still don't. (Yes, you read that right she's one and wakes up and I love it.) I think I definitely enjoyed her way more than I ever was able to with the twins for one reason being there were two of them, and another knowing she was my last baby. Anyway, on with the fun stuff!

Crappy camera phone videos of her walking. I eat it up.

Notice her professional one knee'd scoot right back toward me? Yep, she's a pro. The end of this video makes me laugh hysterically too, nose dive right into the pillow! The walking thing she's still working on, and that's OKAY. I'm so very proud of you, Kinsey.

What am I looking for?

I have spent a good majority of my life wondering "what will happen next?" as well as "how did I get here?", and not in a bad way, just in a pondering way. How life works baffles me. How one choice can decide what you're doing in the upcoming years, or how one casual decision unfolds tremendous opportunity, or sometimes tremendous disappointment.

I have continuously wondered what's this all for. I yearn to be religious, or to believe in a higher power, God, or just anything (even myself). I want to have faith that there is a reason why we are all here, and why we encounter so much pain and hurt. I try to believe it's to experience the happiness, and beauty, but sometimes I just don't get it. I want to believe I will make a difference, that I will not just die and be forgotten, but sometimes it's hard for me to find my way. I'm unsure of my "purpose", or what I'm suppose to accomplish.

Then I look at my kids, and I know. I know why I'm here, and I know what I'm doing. I see so much light, and life in their eyes it inspires me. They drive me to be a better person, to explore new things, and to believe. So, I hate when I lose sight of myself and just feel lost. I also don't want to waste my entire life wondering what the hell I should be doing instead of doing it. I'm just not sure what I'm looking for. I've written it before, and I've thought it all my life, but I have always called myself a mediocre type of person. I'm a little good at a lot of things, but not great at one. I do not fit into one stereotypical type of "people", yet I have a hard time fitting into any group at all. I find myself without friends, without motivation, without dedication. It's a kick to my ego every now and then too. I know I'm a good person, I love people, I try to be a great friend, and yet I always find myself alone. I think that is why a huge part of me always wanted to start a family so bad. A group of people that couldn't leave me. I've never said that, never even thought of it, but saying it now I think it may have been true. Is that such an awful thing? Knowing my luck my husband will leave me, and my kids will grow up and never speak to me... haha. I laugh, because I have to. I don't think that will actually happen (see "I'm a good person" above), but I just had to put it out there that it's not like I don't think that can't happen. So here I am, I have created my own group of people that love me. What's better than that? I have amazing friends, but there's always some sort of distance, whether it be physical or psychological, it's there. I've been hurt several times by the one person I'd wish not to have been hurt by, and I often blame her for the reason I keep my distance from anyone else. My mother. Doesn't all of our adult problems stem from childhood problems with our parents? Another reason I don't feel out of the ordinary, because even my problems and past are typical.

I once had a boyfriend who told himself, in his blog, that I was not unique (after breaking up with me) . Trying to convince himself that he would easily find someone better or that could at least replace me. He later told me (years after the breakup) I am unique. I just wish I knew how...

So, I'm not sure exactly why I wonder what life is all about, or what. I'm really not sure why I think half the things I think to be completely honest. I have a wondering mind. I can also play the poor-pitty-me card, and say no one understands me too, but I'll save that for another post. I guess I just like knowing there are other people out there, as normal functioning people like myself, that think similar things, because I tend to meet a lot of folks that are content in believing life is in God's hands, and I'm just not sure that satisfies me. Who is this God person anyway and why does He get to decide what happens? As I mentioned above, I want to believe, but I feel like I can't until I understand it all. If I understand, I can believe wholeheartedly, and that is what I am looking for. Apparently I need to learn the definition of faith, no?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

February 10th 2009

Today is my birthday. Today is the day I decided I'd start this blog. I created a blogspot many years ago, updated it a couple of times, life happened, couldn't get into the email I had it connected to, and well here I am with my new one. I want this blog to keep track of the promises I make to myself. A place to organize my thoughts, goals, and achievements. I'm learning to become more creative. I'm trying to be more positive, and just enjoy life. I'm also pushing to accomplish things I'd normally not try. Becoming a mother has certainly changed me. I've already missed 2.5 years of my growth, I'd like to keep track of the rest.