Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Because friends should grow on trees in my backyard

First of all I ALWAYS spell dilemma wrong, thank God for spell check. I don't know why, I just always mix up the i and the e. Back on track...

This isn't really about best friends or any issues with best friends or any friends at all. Really I'm looking to express my feelings on friends. They are a lot of work, but like all relationships totally worth it in the end. Granted it's a healthy relationship. My kids are a lot of work, well no... bad analogy. I'd boot my kids if I could too probably... JUST JOKING. I swear I wouldn't.

So, I often talk about how I wish life were like it is in the movies. It's the only part of me that is crazy and unrealistic, but in reality it's far from who I am typically. I allow this one fantasy, because I'm pretty level headed the rest of the time. So, in addition to wanting to be the cool mom where all her kid's friends hang out, I also want to have the house where all my girlfriends gather. I long to have such good girlfriends that they don't knock when they come in. They just do. They don't call, or have to schedule "meet ups" eight weeks in advance (I seriously have a girlfriend I'm suppose to hang out with on the 19th... and this was planned weeks ago... who the hell knows what they will be doing 2 months in advance?!), nope, just stop by on a regular basis. Watch tv together, cook together, have date nights together, family outings and vacations together, you know movie stuff. Or am I completely out of the loop, and everyone does have this, but me? My aunt in TN has friends like this. Every time I call her she's got someone over. She has family over for dinner, and friends.

See then there is a part of me that is so super glad I have only a few friends, and none that live within a 45 mile radius from me. I'm lazy (read title). Having friends is work. You have to hang out with them to reassure them that you like them. I'm horrible at keeping in touch, so if they don't contact me chances are we will lose contact. It's not always this way, just usually during the first stage of friendship. If it surpasses that new stage then it's all good. I have a friend who lives a couple of hours away we won't talk for weeks sometimes even months, and then all of a sudden one of us calls the other and it's like we never missed a beat. Her & I are one in the same... she should live next door to me. I don't know how to meet my neighbors, and most of them are 80 and up. But I'm just like every other girl. I need girlfriends. I love catching up, hanging out, shopping, just someone to talk to that is female. My sister lives far away, I'm not close to my mom, and my cousin who was going to move here is now not. I live in what I call a deserted island of Central Phoenix. Everyone else either lives west side or east side. Then I wonder if all the new friends I meet don't keep in contact because they don't like me. I often wonder if I'm hard to get along with. I personally don't think so, but don't we all say that? I know for sure I don't mean to be if I am. I try to please everyone, and I'm genuinely nice. I do things when I can, help when I can, offer a hand, etc...

When you meet someone for the first time, let's say at a mommy group, do you call them later? Is there a 3 day rule? LOL jk. I met some nice girls at a mommy group, but now my schedule doesn't allow for me to go to any meet ups. Most women already have their friends. Oh and fitting in with their friends once you are friends is a whole new one too. All this stuff is complicated. At the end of the day I'm thankful for my family, tell myself I don't need anymore friends, and be on my way. Deep down I'm lying. I want friends. I want friends that live close, will come to my house, and do things with my family. I love to host get togethers, but for some reason I always fail miserably. Is there a meet new people host a get together book out there? If so, I need it. But let's start with finding friends in the first place.

My husband and I were out at the community garage sale last year, where we met Holly & her husband (can't remember his name). Hubs talked to them more than I did, as he was buying speaker boxes from them. Well, he ended up getting their number, and ended on the note we should all hang out. I think they text him once saying "let's get together this weekend". Well, it was right before Thanksgiving, right before Hubs lost his job, and our trip to bear country. Needless to say, we never hung out with them, and we haven't heard from them since.

Last month I rented a booth for Scentsy at a consignment sale, and met some new people there. Got some of their contacts, even emailed one (I think LOL!), and nothing.

I go to mommy groups constantly, never click with anyone, and like I said everyone has their friends already. I don't know what the hell the point of a mommy group is anyway. I think there is something seriously wrong with me. One of my friends (also a mommy of twins) I met through a mommy group years ago, and we have gotten very close (probably too close sometimes). For the life of me, other than she was the ONLY person to show up to a playdate I hosted, I cannot remember how we continued to be friends. Did she call/contact me? Did I contact her? Did I go to one of her playdates? I vaguely remember she invited me to her cookie party, and I brought my husband along because we set him up with her husband on a mandate... that's right. I think that is how it started. Now this girl's got lots of friends, so I was just lucky enough to be taken in. Honestly, if it weren't for her I wouldn't have any friends within a 100 mile radius (she's the one that's 45mi away).

I always say I can't wait until I turn 30. You may laugh, but so far being under 30 has sucked, because everyone I meet with kids close in age to mine are 30+. And they don't like me. When I'm 30 my kids will be only enough to have been in school for awhile, and sports or other activities, and if I don't make friends then well I'll just call it quits. I think what gets to me, is I'm very outgoing, not shy at all, and love to meet new people. I sure as hell married the wrong guy that's for sure. My husband has less friends than I do, and is 10x more lazy. I just need to start putting myself out there, and most of all keep in contact.

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